I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
