Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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