Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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