I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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