Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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