I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
