I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
