Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
