Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
