I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
