Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
