I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
