I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
