Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cockslap morals
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
