I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
