Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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