She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
