You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
