I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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