Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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