I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
