Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
