you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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