it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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