You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
