Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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