Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think your dad took our porno
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
