3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Randomize