You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
