Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
