my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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