I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
