I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
