I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
