im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
