Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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