So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
