well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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