you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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