thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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