You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
