I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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