I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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