I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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