So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
