I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
