What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
