Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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