I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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