But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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