Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
