i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
