I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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