Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize