break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
