Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
