put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
