why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
