he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm just crazy horny about you
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
