Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize